Argh!

Ok, I’m frustrated. And I cried. These are not good things to put together, I think. There’s this girl I know, and I eat lunch with her sometimes. I’ll call her Jane for the sake of argument. So, Jane is a good person (most of the time, albeit she’s slightly shallow), and doesn’t have a problem with me. Only when we’re in front of a large group of girls does she hold issue with a stupid way I wear my clothes, and feels the need to point it out to everyone about how wrong I am. Ok, do you know what? She could’ve done it afterwards, and I would’ve been like “That’s fine, I’ll take that into account.” Oh no, instead I’m like “So? I don’t give a flying fuck.” Oh yeah, that’s bad language 😛

Secondly, I’m the only one, apparently, who’s going to do rush for Phi Rho. I have very little help, and I’ll take whatever I can get at this point. Why did I sign up for this job?!

Third, I’m pretty, alright? I like dressing like a girl because I’m around stinky guys all day, and they forget I’m a girl. I just… I like to put effort into how I look, especially for Andrew. I take pride in how I look, and if I look like crap, well, it makes me feel like crap. This is stupid, I know. I don’t have to go pluck my eyebrows, I don’t have to get my hair done, and I don’t have to wear makeup or go tanning. But, I like it. I know it’s weird, but engineering made me girly. It made me realise how close I was to being like a guy, and even if I hate having my period and screwy emotions, I still wanted to be noticed that I was a girl, doing something that guys do. I’m the ONLY girl in my physics class. And, well, I want them to be aware of the fact, and not think I’m a guy with boobs. I’m not so shallow to think that looks matter all the time. I know that it’s what’s inside that counts. I don’t know why I’m jabbering on like this. It’s just depressing and, well, it made me cry. I know, it’s dumb. *sigh* Maybe I should sleep.

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