Yes, yes in fact, I just was. Here’s the email which shocked me:
Subject: You’re joking, right?
Because after I wrote that email, I went and checked out your blog and
discovered that mere days after you told me you had too many issues to get
involved with a guy, you were “in a relationship” with some other dude. Which
means that you were seeing him at the same time as me. And I can make certain
guesses about what happened with him that shed a lot more light on the sudden
change of heart.
I don’t like being lied to.
And now, after all that, you’re trying to keep me on as some kind of
second-stringer, in case things fall apart with the other dude. That’s funny.
Well hmph. What a jerk. Here’s what I had to say in return:
I’m replying to this email against my better judgement, but my mum said I
couldn’t go yell at you since we’re in the same department. So, here goes:
1) If you think that lowly of me, then you don’t deserve me. You implied that
I slept with him, and that isn’t the case at all. I’m not some sort of slag
that sleeps around with guys. Thanks a lot for that. I never pegged you as
the type of guy to be that mean, but hey, I guess you can find them everywhere.
2) There was no sudden change of heart. I’m simply not attracted to you.
There, it’s in black and white. Are you happy now? When we kissed, I felt
nothing at all. I didn’t know if that was a remnant of Joe, or what, but that
told me in pretty clear terms that you and I were not meant to be. I thought
I’d give it a few chances, but no, I felt nothing. Frankly, you’re a terrible
kisser, and need to practise.
3) I was in an open relationship, as in, we could date other people as well. You
aren’t the type to be okay with that, and I’m not ready to be locked down into
a serious relationship. I TOLD you that the first day we started talking. I
was dating to have fun, not to find a replacement fiance. If you didn’t
realise that, then its your own fault for not listening to me. Don’t be
surprised. [note: I wanted to say “Don’t be stupid,” but felt that was too mean.]
This is, hopefully, the last personal correspondence we’ll have. If you smear
my name in the department, I’ll be incredibly disappointed. I work very, very
hard, and I don’t need you to make my life any harder than it already is. You
can ignore me, and that’s fine. I won’t come to you for help, and I won’t ever
stop by your office. I’ll still say hi to you in the hallways, because that’s
the polite thing to do. If you ever go to an SPS meeting, I’m heavily
involved, so you may not want to be there if you can’t conduct yourself in a
Just remember what your mother used to tell you: If you haven’t anything nice
to say, then don’t say it at all. That should save you from further
embarrassment in future relationships.
Well, truth be told, I am very attached to Andrew, and I wouldn’t date anyone else. The email I sent to Joel that he responded to was a nice one from Paris, which told him what I’d seen, and to not be angry that I didn’t want to date him. Apparently that was too much to ask for. I think it made me realise that assholes around every corner. I thought I was safe dating a physics grad student, but I wasn’t. I’ll stick with engineers. At least we understand each other. I definitely got the better end of the deal.