The Wonders of Skype, Vol. 1

I’m muslim. We’ve been through this. I wear hijab (well, now I do), I pray 5 times a day, I fast, etc etc. So, you assume, with a picture of me in hijab on Skype, that people would leave me alone about the sex things? It’s gotten a lot better (wow, terrible english) now that this picture is up. Granted, I get texts about marriage and being a better muslim, but I really don’t mind. If I leave my skype on for 5 hours a day, lets say, so I can chat with my cousins and friends in England, I get close to 30 messages about sex. *sigh* Here are the two funniest chats I’ve had lately (verbatim).

Chat one: By some guy who calls himself dcdcil. Feel free to harass him.

dcdcil: 23:13:15
a little scenario!!!!! for you!!
I come into the room and find you in bed.
I am not hapy when I see that certain things are as I left them this morning. You know that I am not happy and you are wondering how unhappy i am.
I ask you for an explanation You cant give me one.
I very swiftly pull back the duvet and expose you in your aqua marine nighte.
You can see i am serious!
You know that a spanking will follow.
It has previously.
I instruct you to lie on your front.
You do very slowly.
I lift your nightee
You are wearing an ivory colour panties.
They must come off I say.
you protest.
I repeat.
I reach for the waist band and tug firmly downwards.
I bring them past your knees and your ankles and off.
I instruct you to raise your hips. You do.
I place a spare pillow under your tummy and your bottom is now raised nicely.
I kneel on the bed beside you and begin to stroke the backs of your legs slowly up and down from your ankles right up to your bottom cheeks.
I place my hand between your knees and separate your legs a little. I then caress the inside of your thighs, they are soft. With your bottom raised I can catch a glimpse of your most private area and I bring my hand so very close.
You ask me am I going to really spank you?
How do you like this young lady?
Kristin: 23:19:10
Kristin: 23:19:16
no really, seriously?
Kristin: 23:19:22
what the hell is wrong with you?
dcdcil: 23:19:26
what do u mean?
Kristin: 23:19:40
do you think that really gets girls off?
dcdcil: 23:19:57
even a little excitement?
dcdcil: 23:20:28
just a little tingle?
Kristin: 23:21:33
Kristin: 23:21:49
my fiancé is pissed that you sent that to me
dcdcil: 23:22:03
ho does he know
dcdcil: 23:22:08
Kristin: 23:22:12
i read it to him
Kristin: 23:22:24
between bouts of laughter
dcdcil: 23:22:36
dcdcil: 23:22:56
maybe you can tell me what does turn girls on
Kristin: 23:23:18
the opposite of you

Suddenly he left. Wonder why?

This second bloke is named Huns. He, apparently, wants to tie people up for no reason at all, and asked me how I would do this. Naturally, my response is dripping in sarcasm, but he got rather spooked and ran off.

Hūns: 04:21:38
Hi! 🙂 I wanted to ask you, how do you think, with what can you tie someone up? 🙂
Kristin: 04:22:02
for what purpose?
Hūns: 04:22:19
Well, like in tie-up game.. I don’t know.
Kristin: 04:22:24
are you going to kill them, keep them to use later, or strap them down for sexual gratification?
Hūns: 04:23:05
maybe the second. 😀 But I would prefer to be tied up instead to tie someone else. Maybe that’s becouse I’m lazy. 🙂
Kristin: 04:23:38
you want to use them for later?
Kristin: 04:24:27
well, I recommend some uncomfortable twine so it cuts into their skin
Kristin: 04:24:29
and to gag them
Kristin: 04:24:37
and maybe a blindfold so they don’t see where they are
Hūns: 04:24:55
what would you use as a gag and blindfold?
Kristin: 04:25:14
duct tape on the eyes
Kristin: 04:25:15
Kristin: 04:25:21
so when you rip it off, they lose all their hair
Kristin: 04:25:31
smelly gym sock in the mouth, then duct tape
Hūns: 04:25:35
it might be painful. 🙂
Hūns: 04:26:14
ummm… Allright. and how about that sexual gratification ?
Kristin: 04:26:37
that’s the point.
Kristin: 04:26:46
same thing, but upside down so you can rape them in the ass
Hūns: 04:27:04
omg 😀
Kristin: 04:27:26
well, you asked!
Kristin: 04:27:33
I just assumed you wanted to tie them up so you could rape them
Hūns: 04:28:03
I know I asked.
But i also said that I would prefer to be tied, becouse I’m lazy. 😀
Kristin: 04:28:32
well tough nuggets.
Kristin: 04:28:49
if you want to do the raping, you clearly have to be the one tying up the poor sorority girl.
Kristin: 04:28:55
make sure you roofie them first
Kristin: 04:29:11
it’s easier that way, and roofies are easily hidden in a fruity chick drink
Hūns: 04:30:08
I think I’d better… go out for a smoke.
Kristin: 04:30:27
yeah, you better go do that
Kristin: 04:30:31
have a nice evening!

(Need I point out that I’m in a sorority?)  This concludes my lecture on why Skype is full of scary, wank-loving retards.


3 thoughts on “The Wonders of Skype, Vol. 1

  1. 🙂
    I had fun reading this. I was just googling “Muslim Skype” just because I’m trying to see where I can find some decent person to chat with. I get the same problem with using skype. The funny thing about being sarcastic with the dumb ones is when the sarcasm is totally lost on them.

    Thanks for making my saturday with this funny post. Have a nice weekend!

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