Your true nature comes out in times of desperation. In this respect, like I said in an earlier post, I unconsciously turned back to what I was when I grew up, which was Catholic. I really didn’t think twice about it until a friend pointed it out to me. There were good things and bad things about Islam that I enjoyed. Good things include hijab (I looooove hijab), as well as praying 5 times a day, and Ramadan. I didn’t like the separation at the mosque – the women had a different door and we were upstairs. I never met any of the guys there. I mean, we’re not supposed to, but I never did. I also didn’t like feeling like an outsider, which is what I was. They’d call me sister and smile politely, but I was never one of them. If they didn’t want me to know what they were talking about, they’d speak in Arabic. That totally hurt my feelings, but I never let on to it. I understood some of it (I mean, I have taken a few quarters of Arabic). Not enough to really catch on to the topic of conversation – just words here and there. I also hated how other people would stare at me in hijab. I got dirty looks, pitying looks, etc. I hate being pitied. If anything, that’s the worst feeling in the world. People just look at you with that sad, sorry face, and it just wrenches my heart.
So, I guess I’m done. I have a friend who’s willing to talk to me about the church (again), and is very…determined… to get me to go back. I mean, I still play piano and sing, so it’s not that hard. I already go to mass. Oh well, we’ll see what happens. Religion is a touchy subject, and I hate offending people.
Not really sure what else to say. No one but Ashley was really supportive about Islam in the first place, so my family will be friggin thrilled. My parents had a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in place about religion. If I wanted to be something else, we didn’t talk about it, and they could go on pretending that I was still Catholic. My ex-fiancé is thrilled as well. Meh, it’s not like we’re getting married, even though the subject has come up a few times. I don’t think I could put myself through that again (and that’s a story for another day).
On a completely other subject, I got to play Cranium tonight with my Phi Rho sisters. Omfg I love that game. When a bunch of us get together for game nights (which I love), all hell breaks loose. Ash and I brought snacks, which I made her take home with her (hehehehe). I didn’t really want chippies and such, or pop (that was a LOT of pop), so she has it. 😀 Ashy I love you! Ooh, and there was a veggie tray, which looked tasty. And I got these wasabi chippies from Safeway, and they’re delish. Usually I don’t like them, but they’re friggin tasty right now… with pickles. Mmmm.
Ok, I’m rambling, and my fingers are cold. I’m going to go 🙂