This is a girl-problem oriented post, so guys, unless you want to read about womanly troubles, go to another page!
Ok, with that out of the way, I haven’t had my period in over a year. Chemotherapy cured me of the need, along with other normally-functioning processes. (end sarcasm.) I think tonight I started my period again, after I had lost hope of it ever coming back. I am desperate to have children – being Catholic and family-centered – so what was I supposed to think when I stopped menstruating all together? I was absolutely heart broken. My parents adopted me as an infant, and that has driven my need to have my own children; maybe because my mother could not. But tonight… I wasn’t totally sure, and I’m still not sure, but it’s looking good.
In a few months, between summer research and school in the fall, I was going to make an appointment to see if I was sterile. I don’t know what that would involve (probably an outpatient procedure with a scope), and I’m not at a time in my life where I could have kids, but being 25 and without hope is such a desolate place for one to be.
Close friends promised to pray for healing, for the ability for me to carry a child, and even though I know the idea of prayer is uncomfortable for some, it was a comfort to me knowing they cared. I don’t know if my prayers, and the prayers of others, have been answered; it’s a long way off. I could just be spotting (it is REALLY light), but the feeling is… familliar. I had almost forgotten what it was like to have cramps, to bleed, to feel six degrees of gross, but the feeling now is welcomed (believe it or not!). So many friends said that I was lucky to be menopausal at my age; not having to deal with all the stresses, the fear of ‘accidental’ pregnancy (if I were having sex, then sure, but it does not apply). I hated feeling broken, like a part of my womanhood had been snatched by the Chemo. I already felt disgusting from the effects of the Cancer, and to top it off, I had this to worry about in the back of my mind. “Oh, it’ll come back,” the oncs had said. They were male – they didn’t understand the carnal need to reproduce, to carry their own children.
If it really is what I think it is, then this is a very exciting evening indeed. Tonight, I rejoin the female sex.