The Wonders of Skype, Vol. 1

I’m muslim. We’ve been through this. I wear hijab (well, now I do), I pray 5 times a day, I fast, etc etc. So, you assume, with a picture of me in hijab on Skype, that people would leave me alone about the sex things? It’s gotten a lot better (wow, terrible english) now that this picture is up. Granted, I get texts about marriage and being a better muslim, but I really don’t mind. If I leave my skype on for 5 hours a day, lets say, so I can chat with my cousins and friends in England, I get close to 30 messages about sex. *sigh* Here are the two funniest chats I’ve had lately (verbatim).

Chat one: By some guy who calls himself dcdcil. Feel free to harass him.

dcdcil: 23:13:15
a little scenario!!!!! for you!!
I come into the room and find you in bed.
I am not hapy when I see that certain things are as I left them this morning. You know that I am not happy and you are wondering how unhappy i am.
I ask you for an explanation You cant give me one.
I very swiftly pull back the duvet and expose you in your aqua marine nighte.
You can see i am serious!
You know that a spanking will follow.
It has previously.
I instruct you to lie on your front.
You do very slowly.
I lift your nightee
You are wearing an ivory colour panties.
They must come off I say.
you protest.
I repeat.
OFF OFF
I reach for the waist band and tug firmly downwards.
I bring them past your knees and your ankles and off.
I instruct you to raise your hips. You do.
I place a spare pillow under your tummy and your bottom is now raised nicely.
I kneel on the bed beside you and begin to stroke the backs of your legs slowly up and down from your ankles right up to your bottom cheeks.
I place my hand between your knees and separate your legs a little. I then caress the inside of your thighs, they are soft. With your bottom raised I can catch a glimpse of your most private area and I bring my hand so very close.
You ask me am I going to really spank you?
How do you like this young lady?
Kristin: 23:19:10
seriously?
Kristin: 23:19:16
no really, seriously?
Kristin: 23:19:22
what the hell is wrong with you?
dcdcil: 23:19:26
what do u mean?
Kristin: 23:19:40
do you think that really gets girls off?
dcdcil: 23:19:57
even a little excitement?
dcdcil: 23:20:28
just a little tingle?
Kristin: 23:21:33
nope
Kristin: 23:21:49
my fiancé is pissed that you sent that to me
dcdcil: 23:22:03
ho does he know
dcdcil: 23:22:08
how
Kristin: 23:22:12
i read it to him
Kristin: 23:22:24
between bouts of laughter
dcdcil: 23:22:36
ok
dcdcil: 23:22:56
maybe you can tell me what does turn girls on
Kristin: 23:23:18
the opposite of you

Suddenly he left. Wonder why?

This second bloke is named Huns. He, apparently, wants to tie people up for no reason at all, and asked me how I would do this. Naturally, my response is dripping in sarcasm, but he got rather spooked and ran off.

Hūns: 04:21:38
Hi! 🙂 I wanted to ask you, how do you think, with what can you tie someone up? 🙂
Kristin: 04:22:02
for what purpose?
Hūns: 04:22:19
Well, like in tie-up game.. I don’t know.
Kristin: 04:22:24
are you going to kill them, keep them to use later, or strap them down for sexual gratification?
Hūns: 04:23:05
maybe the second. 😀 But I would prefer to be tied up instead to tie someone else. Maybe that’s becouse I’m lazy. 🙂
Kristin: 04:23:38
you want to use them for later?
Kristin: 04:24:27
well, I recommend some uncomfortable twine so it cuts into their skin
Kristin: 04:24:29
and to gag them
Kristin: 04:24:37
and maybe a blindfold so they don’t see where they are
Hūns: 04:24:55
what would you use as a gag and blindfold?
Kristin: 04:25:14
duct tape on the eyes
Kristin: 04:25:15
definitely
Kristin: 04:25:21
so when you rip it off, they lose all their hair
Kristin: 04:25:31
smelly gym sock in the mouth, then duct tape
Hūns: 04:25:35
it might be painful. 🙂
Hūns: 04:26:14
ummm… Allright. and how about that sexual gratification ?
Kristin: 04:26:37
that’s the point.
Kristin: 04:26:46
same thing, but upside down so you can rape them in the ass
Hūns: 04:27:04
omg 😀
Kristin: 04:27:26
well, you asked!
Kristin: 04:27:33
I just assumed you wanted to tie them up so you could rape them
Hūns: 04:28:03
I know I asked.
But i also said that I would prefer to be tied, becouse I’m lazy. 😀
Kristin: 04:28:32
well tough nuggets.
Kristin: 04:28:49
if you want to do the raping, you clearly have to be the one tying up the poor sorority girl.
Kristin: 04:28:55
make sure you roofie them first
Kristin: 04:29:11
it’s easier that way, and roofies are easily hidden in a fruity chick drink
Hūns: 04:30:08
I think I’d better… go out for a smoke.
Kristin: 04:30:27
yeah, you better go do that
Kristin: 04:30:31
have a nice evening!

(Need I point out that I’m in a sorority?)  This concludes my lecture on why Skype is full of scary, wank-loving retards.

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Pets are odd.

So, I have three pets.  Well, two and a half, since one  of them is technically my boyfriend’s pet and not mine, but I like to think he’s mine.  Capone is my kitty – he’s a little over six I believe. He was four when I got him, and I’ve had him for a few years, so it’s logical to think he aged as well, don’t you think?  I have a three foot ball python named “Bounce”, but he secretly has three different names since my roommate and I couldn’t make up our minds.  The others were Nagini, like from Harry Potter, and I don’t remember the third one. Obviously it wasn’t important.  Oh, and my favourite is MacKenzie (or Kenzie, Kensington, Kenz for short).  Now that I think about it, none of those names apart from Kenz are really shorter than MacKenzie.  Oh well, those are my favourites.

The point I’m going to make is this: my pets are insane.  Jason went to go visit his parents in Michigan, and I had Kenz for a whole week.  My garden is fairly small, and I had recently put in new plants (hydrangeas, blueberries, rhododendrons, um… flowers of some sort which I don’t remember what they’re called.)  So I don’t really like Kenzie tearing up my yard, but he was pretty well behaved.  I had a company picnic at work, and Kenz was going to come with me of course.  And I like to leave the bathroom door open for him since he likes to sleep on the tile.  At the time, I was on that one week on/3 weeks off thing (which is a delicate way of saying that).  SO, in the morning, he jumps on the bed and everything is good.  I go in the bathroom to go pee, and my trashcan looks really empty.  I’m the laziest person on the face of the planet, so I know I didn’t clean out my trashcan.  The other bathroom had empty trash cans as well.  Kenzie appeared rather smug when I looked at him.  Kenzie had eaten close to five used tampons.

I  called mum almost immediately because I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t imagine that was good for dogs.  Mum laughed at me.  She just bust up on the phone laughing! Not fair, mum, I said.  I was truly worried.  Jason wasn’t around, and I had no one here I could run to (it was still summer hols).  So, I called the vet and got laughed at again.  They said he’d be fine.   Well, fricken Kenzie, you’re luck you’re cute.

Capone, on the other hand, has no interest in rubbish of any sort, and just enjoys being a kitty.  He sleeps in my bed most of the day.  Well, I had Ashley and Justin over to watch the England match last saturday against Estonia, and I watched him squat over my hat, and then run away.  I thought he was just being a weirdo.  Ashley got up at halftime and pulled me aside.

“Kristin, my bra is wet.  Smell this.”  She held it under my nose.  It smelled distinctly of kitty pee.

“Omg disgusting.  Throw it in the wash.”  I walked over and picked up my favourite hat, which incidentally smelled like kitty pee. The carpet had it as well.  I couldn’t throw the carpet in the wash, but the hat went in, and some other clothes that had to be done.  How embarrassing. I also cleaned the carpet.

The next morning, Capone is caterwauling around the house.  He was doing that weird cat babble you can find on You Tube that cats do sometimes.  But he’s NEVER done that before.  And then he was yowling.  And I was super nervous. I called mum again and she said he didnt like his box for some reason.  Well, I had just gotten him a new one, and it had a door on it. So, I took the door off and everything was fine.

The moral of the story is this: Pets are insane, and no amount of dog whispering or cat whispering will get you to understand them (unless you’re that mexican on tv who talks to dogs).

So much reading!

I feel like I’m shopping for religions. I’ve created this flow chart of similarities and differences, including cultural differences associated with said religion (you know, only Islam and Hindu really have anything in that column). But, I’m not into the ‘pagan’ polytheistic religions. I’ve had my monotheistic religion drilled into my head since I was a kid. Granted, like I said, my parents never really made Steven or I do anything we didn’t want to, but if I had told them I wanted to be Muslim, we would’ve had words. I’m still afraid since I’m even considering it that they’ll stop talking to me, or that they’ll think I made a rash decision and to pretend I didn’t join or something (ONLY if I become a Muslim, mind). Being Catholic kind of poses a bit of a problem. I can just go join another religion, but I don’t know what that would do to my position in the choir. Can non-Catholics even sing in choir? Would I still have to take communion? I’m not really comfortable doing so anymore, so can I just pull my director aside and explain this to him? It’s a bit hard when I’m surrounded by Catholics. I feel like I’ll be lynched or told “No, you can’t come back, ha!” Well crap. I like singing, and I like playing, and the only difference would be me not taking Communion. I don’t think Evan takes communion, come to think of it. He told me he wasn’t catholic, and it took him forever to remember all the prayers.

Crap. The prayers. We’re so exposed to the rest of the church that they would see in a heartbeat that I’m not praying with them. I don’t want to be disrespectful.

This is going to take a lot more thought than I previously imagined. I really like the idea of the leaders of Islam being chosen because of scholastic achievement – not divine appointment. They have no pope, no hierarchy, nothing like that. It’s just you and Allah, and you have a chosen member of the community leading Friday prayers at noon. I’ll read more, and maybe get the balls to go talk to someone. I shouldn’t be worried about what my friends will think, but I am of course. Would they want to remain friends with a western Muslim? Ppft, probably not.

The first step

The worst feeling in the world (for me) is the onset of disbelief of the workings of your own religion. I’ve been Catholic most of my life, even if I hadn’t had my confirmation and such until a few years ago. It was actually a pretty big deal for my parents. They drove up from California to see my confirmation, which I was doing through a local RCIA class on Tuesday nights. It took a fair number of months to prepare for that, and when it was finally done, I honestly thought “Check. That’s done.” What was wrong with me? This was supposed to be a spiritual moment between God and I, but I realized then and there that I have a whole list of intercessors to speak for me. I don’t really talk to God myself. I would talk to my Priest (Fr. John, most likely), and he would ask God for me (usually while I meditated doing the Rosary or whatever nonsense they have us do). Did you realize we pray to Mary for her blessing? She is as pure as Jesus (apparently), so it’s okay for us to pray to her.

This was nearly three years ago. Since then, I’ve been singing in our church choir and playing piano for them when they needed a backup for Evan, our normal piano player. When I sit in mass during the homily and normal prayers, I’m usually thinking about my physics homework, or actually reading my physics book. I don’t pay attention at all. I go because I enjoy singing.

I’ve begun to read about other religions, and about ones that don’t have people going every week because they have to. I know I’ve ‘accepted Jesus into my heart’ and bla bla bla, but honestly (and this is going to sound SO bad), but sure, Jesus was real guy, but God is God! He doesn’t need human progeny to carry on His word. He just needs to remind His creations of His rules (and have his angels or whomever enforce them). There is a God, of this I am sure. Jesus existed – another thing I’m sure of. I don’t believe he is a god, or was the son of God. So where does that put me? Without a religion to follow – no ideals, no ways to worship. I’m not Jewish, and I’m not really Christian either. I need to find an acceptable third option.

Day 1 – Signing Up

Just three years ago I weighed maybe 140. Today I joined Weight Watchers Online, since I can’t go to any of the meetings in my area (they’re all at times I just can’t make because of prior school commitments). It’s looking up so far.

 

You know, it’s not easy to say, “Hey, I’m heavy, better lose a few pounds.” I have several small goals, and some large ones as well. I want to try to lose 2 lbs a week, which amounts to 8 lbs a month. Eventually, I want to get down to 135 again, maybe even 130. Right now, I’m 180. But, you know, I’ll take it in small steps. Just ten lbs for now. We’ll see how that goes. The points program sounds difficult at first, but I think it might really work out 🙂

Much Better!

I think it just took a lot of hugs and distraction from my friends, but I’m nearly over Andrew. It’s stupid to cling to something that you have no control over, especially something that doesn’t want you (or need you). It still bugs me a bit that he blocked me on AIM, but whatever. I’ll see him next week at my party (maybe), and Nas heavily suggested I go drop off his book on Monday night so I can see Andrew. But… I don’t really want to see him, since he’ll be with Mollie, and there’s bad blood there. He’s irked at me, and I respect that. I’m very irksome.

But… there’s a new guy who likes me. His name is Jason, and he works with me at the Wave Lab. He’s a Masters student in Oceanography, and he’ll be 28 in a few months. You might think that he’s too old for me, but I like to think not. At least he’s mature, and a lot of fun to be around. We’ve gone out a few times for drinks or whatever. I’m not rushing things at all – and I don’t even know if he likes me “like that”. We’ll see. All I can say is that he’s making things a lot better 🙂

5 Stages

I think I’m going through this. It’s nice to know where I’m headed.

 

 

1-Denial-“this can’t be happening to me”, looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

2-Anger-“why me?”, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.