I love to go tanning. Before you say anything, yes, I know it’s bad for me, but I don’t really care. So, here is what tanning involves:

This place is right down the street from where I live in southwest Corvallis. If I need my dry cleaning done, I could drop it off at the same time I go to tan. It’s the same company! Whoever thought to put these two things together must’ve been on drugs at the time.

The tanning beds in each room are different. I use the best one, not because it’s the best, but because it allows you the most room between you and the bulbs. This is a 12 minute bed, meaning the longest you could go is 12 mins. I went for 9 when I went last time. The black thing on the wall is a speaker controlled by the dial by the door, which rotates through 5 or 6 preset XM radio stations. I usually put it on the popular music channel, even though I’ve listened to classical or new age while laying there as well. The black thing on the bed is your neck rest. Usually when you tan, you’re naked, which is friggin awesome.

Right next to the door is a sign warning you to wear your eyewear. Mine looks sort of like the one in the picture (it’s blue as well).

So, when you tan, you want to use lotion. I use Metaplus, which is for sensitive skin (I get heat rash sometimes), and also for white skin. Now that I’m more tan, I can start using another kind of lotion that tans you faster. And there’s my eyewear. I don’t attach it to my head because that’ll leave white lines on your face. Since you don’t move in the bed, I just rest it on my face.

Inside the bed is a few things to glance at. The button on the left turns the face lamps on and off. If I feel myself starting to burn (I usually wear sunscreen on my face when I tan), I’ll turn the lamps off. They aren’t flourescent like the normal bulbs, they’re like heat lamps at McDonalds. The n1 actually tells you how long you’ve been in the bed. When it says 8, I get all excited because I’m almost done. The red button next to it is the panic button, so if you burn, you hit that, and it shuts the machine off. The dial on the right is the fan button. You better believe it gets hot in there, so that turns the fan up so you don’t roast.

On the wall is a pretty fountain. Makes me feel like I’m in a spa.

I haven’t gone in awhile, so my dolphin has begun to fade. But on my right hip, I put a dolphin sticker each time I go tanning. It helps me evaluate how tan I’m getting. If I’m happy with how much the dolphin stands out, I can stop tanning for awhile. It even stays there during winter too. I think I’ve had the dolphin for two years now 🙂 It’s like my tattoo without needles!

So, that’s what tanning involves. For the first time, I actually fell asleep! I couldn’t believe it. When you’re there, they provide a wet-nap and a towel. I can use the wetnap on my hands after I’ve put lotion on so my palms don’t tan, and I can then use the towel to wipe off any excess. They clean the bed each time it’s been used with bleach.

Then, I usually walk to Starbucks, get a passionfruit iced tea, and walk home 🙂


One km = 600m miles, says CNN

According to The Register, one kilometer = 600 million miles. Now, I’m pretty sure my TI-89 disagrees.

We’re obliged to the various readers who have since yesterday alerted us to a CNN piece on the possible demotion of Pluto to the status of minor planet.

The article in question notes that the recent discovery of Xena – hailed by some as the tenth planet – actually calls into question Pluto’s status as a proper, grown-up body in our solar system.


All pretty straightforward, you might think. What is alarming, though, is that CNN has decided, without consulting either governments or international standards bodies, to extend the kilometre to a breathtaking 600,000,000 miles:

The Hubble Space Telescope measured the bright, rocky object officially known as 2003 UB313 [Xena], at about 1,490 miles (2,300 kilometers) in diameter, roughly 70 miles (112 kilometers) longer than Pluto. At 9 billion miles (15 kilometers) from the sun, it is the farthest known object in the solar system.

This, by our reckoning, makes the distance between Vulture Central and the nearest pub a thirst-inducing 2,400,000,000 miles, exceeding the previous desperate Reg hack beer dash (Australian Outback, 2001, three hours in the 4×4 just to get his hands on a cold tinnie) by a whopping 2,399,999,760 miles*. Strewth. ®


*This calculation is based on the pre-CNN standard, when one kilometre was 0.6214 miles.

So, what’ja think??