Another year

School’s started once again, and I’m proud to say I’m finally back full time, and busy as ever. Apparently life doesn’t stop for cancer, which isn’t really fair. Most of my friends… all of my friends… have graduated. I made a few new friends in Geology, and it’s nice to hang out with them between classes. Unfortunately, I’m at school on Tuesday and Thursdays from 8 am to 9 pm, with a few hours break in the middle of that mess. I’ve actually got to be at school by 7:45 this morning, and it’s 2 am now. I just can’t sleep (which is weird). I was hoping to get 8 hours of sleep tonight, but that’s not going to happen, obviously. I guess teaching at 8 am is going to force me to go to mineralogy every morning.

I also joined the kendo club on campus. There are 7 other new members, which is great! A girl named Devynn is usually paired with me, since we’re the same height. It’s easiest to spar with someone your own size. The work outs exhaust me, but it’s a good kind of exhaustion! I’m really enjoying myself so far.

On the cancer front, I still have maintenance chemo, and there’s no cancer so far. I’ve gained most of my weight back, which I hate the most. Of course, I was supposed to. I just didn’t want to. It’s not fair 😦

I’ll try to keep this updated more as the quarter goes on!

Scholarly Frustrations

Cancer is a real party-killer. Here I am, in the prime of my life, trying to enjoy myself at college and *graduate* in the next twenty years. But, despite what I try to do and accomplish, chemo and/or side-effects ruin my day. I have a midterm on Thursday, and I was too sick to go to class last week (thanks a bunch, chemo). We didn’t have class on Tuesday because our professors were at a conference in Portland, and then we’re expected to show up on Thursday morning, ready for a midterm!? Are you f-ing kidding me? If it were mapping or hydrology, I’d be fine. But it’s that stupid mineralogy class that is going to end up killing me in the end.

I really can’t afford to get shitty grades. Because I was so sick before they discovered it was cancer (DAMMIT I hate cancer so much), I missed week after week of school for one reason or another. I think my GPA dropped well below a 3.0, and now I’m doing all I can to stay afloat. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m a physicist and incredibly lazy. Those two things do not go hand-in-hand.

I try to register for classes and keep on top of it, like what I was going to do with this quarter, but I just can’t. I was so upset tonight that it kept me from really sleeping that much. I’m having to teach four classes this week because one of the other TAs is gone (looking at a grad school for his PhD, since OSU isn’t good enough for that apparently), so I had to pick up the slack. I found out that I have to proctor an exam tomorrow night too, so there goes four hours of studying.

I’m not going to make it. I really don’t know what to do, and in order to keep my head above water and get me going to classes again, I stopped my low-dose chemo on my own. (PLEASE don’t yell at me, I’ve already been yelled at, thanks. I know what a retard I am, I get it.) But, at least I can function for the time being. It really isn’t doing much good for me, but dammit if I’m going to take another whole year off. Fuck that noise.

There really is nothing good to report. I finally got to sleep around 4:15 this morning, and then a thunderstorm woke me up not more than 20 minutes later. So, I’ve been up ever since. This is just NOT my day. I’m tempted to email my professor in mineralogy and tell him I just can’t take the exam on Thursday because I’m so behind. But then I’ll even be more behind. What’s a girl to do?!

I know other young adults with cancer and trying to go to school at the same time have had my problems. But I really don’t know what to do at this point! Should I just take an incomplete, and then wing it for the rest of the quarter? I’ll be damned if I’m held back for another year.