Amy: keep your opinions to yourself, especially when you don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Me: I’m sorry – I just don’t feel sorry for you.
Amy: sweetheart, i wouldn’t expect you to. i mean, you can’t even keep a fiance, you must be feeling terrible about your own relationship let alone other peoples. ouch,
Me: *thinking* OMG, that was seriously three years ago – I’m fucking over that shit. Does she think she’s clever?
*actually* Listen. You are a manipulative cunt. He’s much better off without you. Just get over yourself, and him, and move on. Thanks 🙂
You must be wondering, wtf, Kristin? A friend of mine just broke up with his psychotic girlfriend. He was nearly (totally) pussywhipped. All she did while he was here and she was back in england was fucking complain all the time. If he didn’t get online when he was supposed to, she’d ring and yell at him for an hour, and he would just look so broken when he would come out of the garage (yeah, he got yelled at in my cold garage).
*sigh* She’s a cunt, and she’s manipulating the crap out of him. I love him dearly, and I don’t want to see him hurt. I’ll slap him myself in a few weeks if that’s what it’ll take.
According to The Register, one kilometer = 600 million miles. Now, I’m pretty sure my TI-89 disagrees.
We’re obliged to the various readers who have since yesterday alerted us to a CNN piece on the possible demotion of Pluto to the status of minor planet.
The article in question notes that the recent discovery of Xena – hailed by some as the tenth planet – actually calls into question Pluto’s status as a proper, grown-up body in our solar system.
All pretty straightforward, you might think. What is alarming, though, is that CNN has decided, without consulting either governments or international standards bodies, to extend the kilometre to a breathtaking 600,000,000 miles:
The Hubble Space Telescope measured the bright, rocky object officially known as 2003 UB313 [Xena], at about 1,490 miles (2,300 kilometers) in diameter, roughly 70 miles (112 kilometers) longer than Pluto. At 9 billion miles (15 kilometers) from the sun, it is the farthest known object in the solar system.
This, by our reckoning, makes the distance between Vulture Central and the nearest pub a thirst-inducing 2,400,000,000 miles, exceeding the previous desperate Reg hack beer dash (Australian Outback, 2001, three hours in the 4×4 just to get his hands on a cold tinnie) by a whopping 2,399,999,760 miles*. Strewth. ®
*This calculation is based on the pre-CNN standard, when one kilometre was 0.6214 miles.
So, what’ja think??
Instead of being able to just talk things through, we always have to bring up the whore issue. Our discussions are littered with crap like this on a regular basis.
(20:52:23) Crystal: guess what i got
(20:52:27) Me: a pimp?
(20:52:33) Crystal: lol no
(20:52:41) Me: what what?
(20:52:43) Crystal: i pimp my own bitches
(20:52:45) Me: lol
(20:52:46) Me: i know
(20:52:49) Crystal: I got a pool cue
(20:52:52) Me: sweet
(20:53:10) Crystal: what?
(20:53:15) Crystal: did i already tell you?
(20:54:11) Me: no!!!
(20:54:19) Me: i know that you pimp your own bitches
(20:54:22) Crystal: ohhh
(20:54:23) Crystal: lol
(20:54:25) Me: by the way, can i have a different street corner?
(20:54:34) Crystal: jeez, you keep asking
(20:54:40) Me: hahahaha
(20:54:45) Crystal: how many time do i have to move you around?
(20:55:00) Me: lots
(20:55:09) Me: i have a fat black chick next to me and she smells like rotton fish
(20:55:19) Crystal: ewww
(20:55:24) Crystal: ill kick her in the taco
(20:55:28) Crystal: actually, scratch that
(20:55:28) Me: lol ok
(20:55:31) Crystal: she wouldnt feel it
(20:56:14) Me: yeah, it’s all cavernous
(20:56:22) Me: she’s such a slutty hoebag.
(20:56:30) Me: well, that doesnt make me any better :-S
(20:56:32) Crystal: hahaha
(20:56:37) Crystal: its ok, you are far better than her